Spa day disaster

by Hayley Spencer

This story is part of our 'Funny Spa Stories' series, featuring tales from luxury hotel guests which were sent in for our travel writing competition.

Photo by Lincolnian.

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A tip for husbands and partners of mothers with children under three: don’t surprise your partner with a spa day.

Don’t get me wrong, the idea in principle sounds bliss. A dream, an unimaginable treat you think men aren’t capable of thinking of... well mine did. But he got it so wrong!

So the day began with me being told to get myself dressed quickly as I was being taken out for a surprise. Now usually this consisted of me being driven to the supermarket instead of walking down with a buggy and a wayward three year old.

Naturally I simply scraped my hair back, put on some comfy, well yes maybe slouchy trousers, and grabbed a jacket - stain down front, courtesy of three year old.

Half an hour later, we drove into the most beautiful setting, where it dawned on me what my well-thinking but non-practical partner had done - paid for a total day of pampering. He swiftly dropped me off saying, "Back at five, enjoy!" with a look of smugness, thinking he was the most thoughtful man in the universe. I desperately wanted to wipe it off his face.

The reason being I had my oldest but most comfortable greying and slightly holey un-matching bra and knickers on, unwashed hair scraped into a traveller-worthy bun, three-week long hairs on legs/bikini area, and a swimsuit thoughtfully packed by my partner that consisted of a bikini set not worn since birth of two children... kept only as a reminder of a never-again obtainable figure I could only dream of having again!

The drive out of the ‘Health Farm’ itself was a mile-long, so my only option was to enter. Feeling extremely out of place and very much like a tramp I walked in and produced my torn-in-half-but-stuck-back-together-again voucher (thanks yet again to three-year-old).

The look I received was extremely professional yet it was obvious I was not the clientele they wanted standing in the reception so I was swiftly whisked into a side-room and given the options of what I could use my voucher for.

Instead of the wonderfully relaxing full-body massage and entrancing Indian head massage I would have opted for, I felt compelled instead to opt for the full leg, underarm and bikini wax (with complementary eyebrow threading), and the intense hair-treatment therapy (complete with wash and blow-dry), so instead of a day of intense pleasure, I endured the most pain and discomfort since the two births of the children I was having a break from.

Needless to say my partner did not ‘get lucky’ that evening as he expected, nor did he get the Sunday offered to him to go and play golf for the day. Instead, he minded the children whilst I had a long hot bath, read a whole book and indulged in a few glasses of wine... a much deserved treat!

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