One sausage too many...

by Ivy Jameson

This story is part of our 'Funniest hotel experiences' series, featuring tales from luxury hotel guests which were sent in for our recent travel writing competition. Photo by Bucklava.

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Just the accommodation we were looking for, or so we thought! The brochure said a small family run hotel (mother and son) so with confidence we booked. Never having been to Cornwall before we looked forward to the new experience. A couple of weeks before our holiday we discovered transport trouble for our scheduled arrival date. Having to go a day earlier the proprietor said although she was full a friend had room for an overnight stay in her hotel. On our arrival neither hotel or room
were very impressive. However tired from the journey we showered and climbed into a somewhat wobbly bed. A couple of hours into our slumbers we were rudely awakened as the bed slid to the floor and so did we! On investigation we discovered one front leg had been propped up by a very large tin and had collapsed.

As morning broke we declined breakfast and were taken by car to our booked hotel. Ah! smartness greeted us everywhere. Putting the events of the previous night out of our minds we presumed her friend hadn't been registered with the Hotel Association. We were shown to our bedroom. What a contrast! So pretty, it was the honeymoon suite. Romantic I thought for a couple like us married 35 years at the time, I visualised love rekindled. After lunch we both had a rest on the bed. In spite of organza drapes that surrounded our bed love went out of the window. In his annoyance my husband pushed them back because the obscured the view of the cricket on the telly!

We soon discovered the proprietor's personality failed to match the décor. All over the hotel were notices that read "Due to the shortish of water please use carefully". It was soon brought to our attention that Peggie rather preferred the male species. One of the guests was on holiday with his student son, his wife was back home. From his details she had noticed his birthday fell two days into his holiday, well we couldn't believe it, contained in the cooked breakfast was one sausage a piece. The birthday boy much to his embarrassment had six! After breakfast she lured him outside and chained him to a gate, tipping a whole bucket of the water that was in such short supply over him! Another morning a young couple didn't arrive down to breakfast with the rest of us, and she yelled up the stairs "Aren't you two ever going to get up?". They must have checked out at the double as we never saw them again. After a two week stay some went home on the Friday. Next morning a stag party appeared at breakfast. Peggie waited on them in her best dress. I am sure they all had more than one sausage a piece!

Two years later we returned to the same area but stayed in a different hotel. Out walking one evening we took a trip down Memory Lane only to discover Peggie's Hotel had closed down. One imagines strange reports had reached the Hotel Association, or perhaps she ran out of sausages. We will never know!

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