The Blue Scotsman

by David Brown

This story is part of our 'Embarrassing Golf Stories' series, featuring tales from luxury hotel guests which were sent in for our travel writing competition.

Photo by Mr T 77.

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As a well-travelled golf nut who enjoys nothing more than a week of sun, golf and inebriation, I organised a trip for a group of Scottish golfers to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

On the day of departure from Edinburgh to Atlanta we all met up in the airport bar. One of our party, a patriotic, hairy-arsed Scotsman had decided to wear his kilt in a gesture of allied American relations. I immediately noticed he was not wearing the traditional sporran and in the absence of pockets, I enquired where he was keeping his cash and credit card. "In my underpants," was the torte reply.

Having accepted that he was committing a cardinal sin by wearing undergarments with a kilt, we got down to the more important tradition of downing a few beers. This was accentuated by a two hour delay and when we finally boarded the aircraft we were all pretty keen to find the toilet.

As soon as the seat belt sign was switched off, our kilted friend was up out of his seat and heading for the loo. On his return we were concerned to see that his face had turned blue and his right arm was also covered in a blue tinge. He was seriously bothered about something and summoned a stewardess. She looked at him in shock and enquired if he needed medical assistance.

After declining this gesture, it transpired that he had decided to sit down to have a pee and on taking down his underpants had forgotten that his worldly belongings had been tucked in there and had now been flushed down into the chemical toilet. He had tried to retrieve said items by sticking his hand down the pan and when wiping sweat from his brow he managed to cover his embarrassment with a blue chemical solution that kept the entire crew and passengers amused for the rest of the flight.

It took days of scrubbing for the dye to clear from his face and he faced some very tough questioning from customs in Atlanta.

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