This story is part of our 'Embarrassing Golf Stories' series, featuring tales from luxury hotel guests which were sent in for our travel writing competition.
Photo by Dan Perry.
When my friend Gavin asked me to play golf, I thought I’d give it a go. He took me to The Belfry, near Birmingham - one of the UK's most famous golf courses and renowned for its magnificent course and fantastic facilities.
Gavin fetched the golf clubs and I started to walk to the first hole; the course was massive, with a gorgeously kept green. Just before we reached the hole I managed to wrap my legs around the awkwardly shaped sticks tripping over, luckily into the manly arms of Gavin.
After blushing, I slowly reached the first hole. Gavin said, "Here’s your balls and a tee." "Tea, do I get a cup of tea before I play then?" I asked. "You daft bat," Gavin remarked and went on to explain what a tee was.
Gavin started off, just missing the hole. I took a swing at the ball. Once, twice, three times - a lady! But could I hit it?
It was a glorious day, sun shining brightly - I could have just sunbathed. But eventually my ball rolled in and we continued on to the second hole. This time I hit the ball so hard that it disappeared into the parade of delicate trees, which surrounded the ground.
After looking for half an hour, Gavin suggested we carry on. By the time we had got halfway round I was getting tired. That’s when I saw the buggies. Looking at Gavin with my sorrowful eyes, I persuaded him to let me go back on a buggy.
An elderly gentleman asked me if I wanted to share his buggy. I think he knew the answer by the beam on my face.
Agreeing to meet Gavin at the last hole, I ran towards him to give him a kiss, my little heel got stuck in the hole and, as I tugged, my heel came off and the hole looked somewhat larger than it should have. Gavin looked disgusted with me, as a little tear dropped down my cheek, half with laughter, half with upset, as I now had to hobble over to the buggy.
"Has Gavin approached the last hole?" I thought I’d show him how I could get a hole in one.
Not too far away, there were people on the terrace of the clubhouse. I whacked the ball and did it fly! Through the air, straight onto the clubhouse roof.
Faces alarmed, all looking up in amazement then all of a sudden plop! It landed straight into someone’s wine glass.
The woman’s face was a picture - shocked, bewildered, half smiling, half not. I slowly strolled over to her; she glanced at me hobbling along, looked at her friends and offered me a seat at the table. She poured me a glass of wine and said it had been an entertaining afternoon watching me around the course.
I was glad I had made someone’s day and decided to leave golf to the professionals from then on.